I dreamed of Lori again last night. We were in the doctor's examination room waiting on her oncologist. It wasn't the normal examination room. Much larger with furniture like a studio apartment. We were in great spirits, kidding around with one another.

Then the oncologist came in with the latest test results. Before he gave us the news, he asked me about our financial situation. It wasn't good. We all knew the insurance had run out. He said the Cancer Center was balking at continuing treatment because of our inability to pay. That's when he told us the disease had spread to her uterus. Our world came crashing down in an instant and I woke up. That was about all the sleep I got last night.

(For the record - her cancer never spread to her uterus, but near the end he had found spots on her lungs.)

I feel that after she slipped away in the early morning hours on that most horrible day, she went down one path and I continued down another. With each passing day, I feel our paths are growing steadily further and further apart. I want so much for our paths to cross again and never diverge, but I don't think that will ever happen. I've never had such a hopeless feeling.