The days blur from one to the next, each passing by in a fog. I see and talk to Lori. We do things together, share experiences and have fun. Then.... I wake up. It was nothing more than a dream. The real world and the pain that comes with it, return. I yearn to return to slumber so that I may see her again, but sleep is such a rarity.

She liked the promotions a local grocery would have every week. Buy an item or two and get several items thrown in for free. This week the item was a turkey. I was there this morning. She whispered in my ear - 'Buy a turkey. Thanksgiving is coming.' But I couldn't. I just couldn't. I don't know what I'll do this year. I'm finding it hard to have anything for which to give thanks.

I recently surrounded the big oak out front with over 100 pansies in order to have some color for the winter months. I hope I can keep them alive. It was an emotional struggle for me to do plant them. I kept remembering our first year here. She planted those same flowers. Pastel colors. She complained when the pillbugs ate the leaves so I would sprinkle stuff to keep the pillbugs away. Last year the flowers didn't get planted because we were concentrating too much on her treatments.